Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
