Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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