yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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