She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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