Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
