hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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