You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
