3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
