This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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