According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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