party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Say something about gay babies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
