plz talk dirty to me
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
