Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
