she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
