Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
