I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
