My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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