True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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