the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
