Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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