I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
