Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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