I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
