i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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