if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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