she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
