Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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