I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we made out on top of his cat.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
