he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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