i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
