no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
