forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
