My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
