he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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