I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
