I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
