Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
