Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
