C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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