you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
