cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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