Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
false alarm, still single
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
