If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
