Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
