I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
