Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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