im about as happy as oj after his trial
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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