Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
