Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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