It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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