he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
