I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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