xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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